Friday, October 16, 2026

Finding my way back

This may be sad or triggering for some of you. If you find it to be too much, I don't mind if you scroll down to the dashed line and start there.


For over six years I was one of two caregivers for my mother who had dementia. Her particular dementia was Vascular Dementia.  That means that the blood vessels in the brain were damaged in some way leading to a lack of oxygen and nutrients in the brain. This eventually causes brain tissues to deteriorate and eventually fail to function.  
Toward the end of September, my mother passed away peacefully on a Sunday morning. She had been under hospice care for about a month. I will say that our experience with hospice was excellent. 

I am 'stuck' with the role of executor for the will at this point and it is stressing me out. My feelings about loss and everything else have me in a state of confusion and mixed feelings.  I thought that once mom passed I would be able to resume my "normal" life.  However, at this point I feel like a little boat adrift on the high tides in the middle of the ocean.  I am trying to get back into my creative activities, but they seem pointless right now.  

---------------------------------------------

I did join a brand new writer's group that is meeting at the Public Library here. Our first "assignment" was to describe ourselves in three words and expand on those words. The words I chose were words that I think portray my best side. Perhaps I should repeat the exercise and use three of my worst traits. 
Anyway,  I chose to use "songwriter" "creative" and "friend"'
Here is that piece. 

songwriter, poetry with melody
I try to live in harmony 
I share my words with you
the feelings here in heart and mind
always trying to be kind
I share my dreams with you

creative soul, creating art
quilting and painting are a part
of what I share with you
creative things come from within
happy things that make me grin
I share a smile with you

Friend, a companion I judge not
I try to do just what I ought
 caring for a special few 
I will share my life, my hopes, my dreams
but I won't push it to extremes 
you can trust me to be true

I hope you enjoyed that bit of poetry.  

Now let me share some gel prints
This was a gradient printed over the purple abstract tree shape. 

These are two gradients that will probably be used in collage. 

This is a nice almost neutral that should also work well in collage. 

And, for the Friday Face Off,  here is a very old photo from the family archives. 
I am not sure just who these folks are. 
My mystery ancestors.
I suspect that they are on my maternal lineage but I have had no luck in identifying them. 

Linking to the Friday Face Off




Until Next Time,  
Stay Creative 


Comments are welcomed. I will reply when possible. Of course if you are a "No Reply Blogger"- I can not reply. Links in comments will result in the entire comment being deleted.

16 comments:

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

So sorry to read about your loss, Gene. It sounds like it was both a blessing and a curse. Death can come at you in odd and often indescribable ways.

I can't seem to get the hang of gel printing, even though I thought I had to have one. I've used mine twice and it hasn't created anything as unique as yours. That last one is awesome.

I like the vintage faces. Happy FFO.

Tom said...

Well friend, you can also add to your list attributes, "dutiful son!" My best wishes to you.

My name is Erika. said...

So sorry for your loss Gene. It's a tough time, and everyone handles it differently so I don't think you need to worry if your mojo is gone. I bet it will come back. My husband is/was his mom's executor and he's had so many frustrating moments. I know from what he's dealt with how hard that is. Take care and good luck. Things do settle themselves out. hugs-Erika

The Rev. Arnoldo L. Romero, MLA said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mother, but know she's now fully healed and rejoicing in the presence of our Lord. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, and finding healing in your writing. The poem you wrote is heartfelt and true about what I've learned about you. I love those first 3 gel prints, because of the colors you used. That family portrait is fascinating, and hope you can someday figure out who they were. Peace to you and Happy FFO!

Christine said...

Lovely art Gene. May your mom rest in peace and you will get through your executor challenges.

Maria Medeiros said...

I am truly sorry for your loss Gene. My your mother rest in peace and I pray that you find your way through your grief. It takes time. Your pages are lovely and the photo of your ancestors is very special. Sending you strength, courage and prayers during this challenging time. Have a peaceful weekend my friend.

Exuberantcolor/Wanda S Hanson said...

It's hard to get back into a routine of "normal" after being the caregiver for someone who passed. I'm thankful you had hospice for a while before your mom passed. I used to walk into my studio, look around and walk back out. Like you, it felt pointless to work on anything in there. I hope you get through the executor role quickly. Don't hesitate to ask for help.

Dixie @ Arranged Words said...

So sorry to hear about your mother, Gene.
Life can seem overwhelming after such a loss.
Excellent that you are writing poems and sharing your
writing.
Sending hugs to you.



Jennifer said...

Dear friend just know we all love you

peppylady (Dora) said...

Sorry for your lost. Your mom had a loving son. Who saw her out.

DVArtist said...

You know how sorry I am about your mom. Oh and being executor is not an easy task. I have done it 3 times now for family members. Get one thing done at a time and before you know it, it is done. I'm very happy to read that you have joined a writing group. This will help a lot with your sorrow. The poem is just lovely, but I would expect nothing less from you. The gel prints are fabulous. The first one truly grabs my attention. The photo is precious. I too have photos that I have no idea who they are. Thank you for sharing everything with FFO and be sure to get some rest.

Carola Bartz said...

Gene, I am very sorry for your mom's passing. Losing our mothers is just hard. On top of the grief you are the executor and I imagine that being stressful. I completely understand that you don't feel creative right now, but I am sure it will come back. It takes time and everybody's grief is different. Be gentle with yourself.
I like your gel prints, especially the last one, I can see it being used in a collage.

Carola Bartz said...

I forgot to mention that your poetry is beautiful and speaks to me. I'm glad you joined a creative writing group, that might help you through you grief as well. Writing can be so healing.

Vicki W said...

Lovely poem! Grief is not quick and being an executor is very difficult. Be kind to yourself.

Elaine/Muddling Through said...

I'm sure you miss your mother. I still miss mine, and she's been gone for quite a while. I am glad you had the opportunity to spend time with her, even though I'm sure it was not all fun and games. May the Lord bless you and strengthen you as you walk through your loss.

Lowcarb team member said...

So sorry to read about your loss.
Being executor is not an easy task.
Take care of yourself . . . I'm sure you will get through these sad and difficult times.
Prayers and blessings.

All the best Jan